PRAISE OR AFFIRMATION?

Is there a difference between praise and affirmation? Not a question I spent a lot of time thinking about until recently.

Some months ago one of the new additions to the management team at work paid me a compliment. I believe it was sincere, not back handed in any way, but it just didn’t land right. It felt a bit disingenuous. I didn’t understand it until I read the following: “Praise has everything to do with what you do. Affirmation has everything to do with who you are.” Author and Clifton Strengths coach Allan Kelsey continues with, “Clearly these two ideas are not the same and need to be treated differently.”  He elaborates that praise is about a job well done, but affirmation has certain requirements. To affirm someone you need to know them. And I believe that’s what was going on in my situation. This  manager was attempting to affirm me, but did not know me and so it felt cheap.

The book I  quoted from is “Strengths Based Marriage, co-authored by Allan Kelsey and marriage counselor Jimmy Evans. I am currently working with a young couple doing their  pre-marital counseling and this book  has been  a wonderful resource. Listen to this powerful thought from Kelsey.  “Praise cannot say to your spouse: I see you. On the other hand, affirmation can and will say: I see you. There is no way to truly affirm someone without his or her feeling seen or understood.”

If you are a manager, supervisor, leader, spouse, parent or friend, are you seeing those in your care, seeing those you love? The truth is we all need to be seen…all of us. Please SEE someone today.

It’s a new day…live it!